Earlier this month, Ms. Regina had pulled me aside to tell me that Lauren really didn’t play while at school…not even with her teachers or by herself. I was honestly a little surprised by this as LP is always so eager to go to school and tells me all about it on the way home – giving vivid details about what the other kids did and said and all the fun toys and activities. Now I knew it was because she was just watching everything and not participating. I felt sad and kind of like a bad mother. This whole school thing was to provide her with the opportunity to socialize with the other kids and have fun. Now I find out she’s just passing the time until I pick her up and I’m just passing the time until I can pick her up. I started to question is it worth it. But, of course, we want what is best of her. From that point on we’ve been spending a lot of time talking about making friends at school. I thought we were making progress until the other day Lauren told me on the way to school that she didn’t like to play with the toys there. When I asked why, she said, “Because when I start to play with the toys, other kids come over to play with me, too.” My heart sank a little.
LP is starting to make some progress. She conquered her fear of finding a chair to sit at during snack time. All it took was me asking Ms. Regina and Ms. Lisa to help her find a chair one time per LP’s request. She said, “There are just so many other kids, I don’t know where to sit.” She now routinely plays ball with her teachers and actually played with one of “her friends” as well one day (which still remains nameless but LP thinks it could either be one of the twins, Kailee or Alaina). And she does like to play school with me at home. We roll play a lot, hoping that that will give her some confidence that the other kids do want to play with her. I just want Lauren to be happy!!
I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to be at home with Lauren and just spend our time at play. I feel blessed to know that when given a choice, LP would choose staying at home with me over any other temping, extravagant day that I could plan or her school could provide. And while we are currently struggling with trying to get Lauren to want to make friends at school, I know the day will come far too soon where she will choose her friends over us. I look forward to that day because it will be such a triumph for this reserved little girl. However, don’t mistake the pride I’ll feel to see my baby succeed as anything else, because deep down when that day comes, I’ll be just a little heartbroken, too.